The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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