I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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