I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
