I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
