I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
