i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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