He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
even my farts smell like vagina
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
