is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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