So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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