i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
