Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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