so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You ate ashes out of my bong
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
