Non-Jews are for practice
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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