I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
