i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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