just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
