i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize