There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
