How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
