is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize