I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
