i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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