My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
