BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
