I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Holy sore nipples Batman
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize