I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
