Someone shit on the floor
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
