I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
