I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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