Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
