When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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