I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
