ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
