It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
