I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
