My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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