ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
