just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
