K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
