Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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