My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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