how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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