I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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