you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
