When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
