You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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