I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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