Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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