why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
