No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
