I'm drive I can fine osifer
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
