I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
