You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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