she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
