so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
