new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
