i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
