there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
