I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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