im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
