He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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