she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
