Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
