New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
